Do you have trouble asking people for help, even when you really do need it? I do. I’ve often tried to figure out why its so hard for me.
I’ve recently been struggling with some baby blues – I hesitate to call it “postpartum depression” because there is such thing as severe depression that needs medical attention and care. And that is not what I have. But I am feeling very down, depressed, irritable, negative about everything, loss of interest in most activities, just wanting to lay around all day long. I know it’s due to my postpartum hormones (postpartum thyroiditis to be exact), but that doesn’t make the feelings much easier to deal with.
I mentioned this to a friend of mine so she could be in prayer for me, and she insisted to come over one day that week to help with the children so I could rest. My first thought was, “that’s so sweet of you, but you don’t need to do that”.
Now why would I turn down help like that? She wanted to bless me by giving me a “day off” from mothering so I could rest and recharge. So why didn’t I want to accept?
I think one reason is that I don’t want to burden anyone. I don’t want to put anyone out on my account. I’m always quick to help others, and I love to help someone in need, but then when they want to help me, I have a hard time accepting it.
Well, I didn’t want to offend my friend by turning her down, so she came over last week to help. And it was such a blessing. I slept, laid around, read a book, took a long bath, and prayed a lot.
I also thought a lot about why I don’t like to get help. And I found another reason, besides not wanting to burden others.
I hate to admit my weaknesses to others. I guess that is a form of pride. And what an ugly thing it is. I don’t have a problem admitting my weakness to God, but to admit it to others? It is SO HARD.
Perhaps one of the reasons I have this thorn in my flesh right now is so that I can learn to rejoice in my weakness and not be ashamed to admit my need for help to others.
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Corinthians 12:9
I’m praying I will find healing. Not only healing for my postpartum hormonal issues, but also for my sinful pride.