Today, my family sat down to read 1 Peter, chapter 3. It’s not the first time my daughters have heard this chapter, and yet, as we read it again, I could still see them bristle, especially about verses 1-2:
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.” -1 Peter 3:1-2
It’s a hard saying. And let’s be honest: it cuts across everything our culture holds dear. In a world that teaches women to push back, fight for control, and never yield an inch, this passage sounds foreign, and even offensive.
And yet, God’s Word is always true. Always good. Always just.
Even when it confronts our flesh.
Even when it contradicts the world.
Even when it makes us uncomfortable.
When we live according to God’s ways, however hard or countercultural, they always lead to joy, peace, and life.
The Quiet Power of a Godly Wife
1 Peter 3:1-2 isn’t about women being weak, or voiceless, or less valuable than men. It’s not about ignoring sin or becoming a doormat. It’s about strength under control. It’s about the inner life of a woman who walks so closely with Jesus that her presence preaches louder than her words.
Peter is speaking to wives whose husbands “do not obey the word”, so in other words – men who are spiritually hard or indifferent. He doesn’t tell these women to nag, argue, or manipulate. He tells them to let their conduct speak. To let their respectful and pure behavior bear witness to the beauty of Christ.
That kind of strength…Christlike strength…has the power to melt even the hardest heart.
It Goes Against Our Flesh
Submission is a word we’ve tried to erase from modern vocabulary. It feels like weakness. It grates against pride. It stirs up every worldly instinct that says, “I shouldn’t have to do this.” “I deserve better.” “I’m smarter than him, so why shouldn’t I lead?” “I’ll submit to him when he starts treating me better.”
Even my girls, who have heard this teaching since infancy, feel it. I felt it so strongly myself as a young woman, and I still struggle against it at times today. The flesh resists God’s design. But the Spirit reminds us: His design is for our good.
Submission is about trusting God enough to live His way, even when it’s hard. It’s about modeling the heart of Christ, who humbled Himself and entrusted His future to the Father (1 Peter 2:23). It is not about waiting until your husband deserves your respect and submission, but rather submitting to him as unto the Lord. This is about obedience to Christ.
A Word of Caution—and Hope
Let me be very clear: This does not mean staying physically present in an abusive situation. If you are fearing for your physical safety, then leaving for a time may be necessary, and this is not a betrayal of submission. If you find yourself in this situation, please go to your church elders and ask for help!
But for the many women who are walking through difficult, spiritually dry marriages, this verse offers real hope. You don’t have to fight for control. You don’t have to change your husband with well crafted arguments and convincing words. It’s not about making sure you say just the right thing to make him change. You can honor God by simply walking in obedience, cultivating inner beauty, and trusting that your conduct is a tool in God’s hands.
You do not have the power to change your husband by outward force. But you do have the power to walk by the Spirit in your own life.
Let Your Life Preach
If you’re a wife walking this road, take heart. God sees you. Your faithfulness is not in vain. Your dignity and gentleness are not unnoticed.
- You are not powerless.
- You are not forgotten.
- You are not without influence.
You are living a quiet sermon to your spouse and children, and God may use it to transform a heart.
Keep walking in His ways, even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
Because God’s way is always best.
A Fruitful Home 